Screw the roses give me the Thorns


				*Ladi Jinkz's Castle* *Screw the roses give me the Thorns*



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As a new page turns in the nightmare that is my life, I walk into darkness, willingly following another....At the end of a leash.

Visions of leather and lace, pain and pleasure, haunt my dreams. Into a world unknown I step, willingly handing the chains to another. I lay my head upon his lap, feel his fingers tangle in my hair, cherish the pain as he pulls me up to meet his gaze. I close my eyes as his lips meet mine, taking everything I have to give and demanding more. Knowing to him I will submit.

As I begin to explore a side of myself I havent before, fear is my constant companion. It determines every move I make, every path I choose. I started out looking for someone to guide me, yet this created new fears...will he be gentle...will I be hurt again...emotionally, physically? Well I met someone, and chose to take him as my guide. A thought that terrified me, until I was with him. I cannot say the fear is gone, I do not fear him, yet I fear what he makes me feel, do, and that he truly has the power to hurt me. and what I fear the most is knowing I would allow it.

Fear

I do not fear you

I fear the power I feel in your touch.

You made me remember

what its like to be wanted.

And memories are dangerous

things.

I fear being used,

hiding in the dark, lonely and abused.

I fear what you made me feel,

things I have never felt before.

The pleasure found in pain,

the joy at being made to beg.

In honesty

I fear myself

One of my favorite places

Enter the Garden

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to swallow your pride, brave the fears and allow another to take complete control. To submit totally to the will of another?

Is It possiable to fall head over heels in love with someone you have just met. Does love at first sight really exist? If you feel anything for your Master is it real or just a side effect of the feelings of surrender he envokes? These question are ones I hear often and also ones that plague my every waking thought. Is it the giving of control that makes a slave love her master or is it actually real?

I hear your voice,

and allow myself to dream.

Of pleasure and pain,

of dark nights spent

answering to your

every command.

I hear your voice,

and allow myself to dream,

of the bite of leather

against my skin,

of the final release

of control.

I hear your voice,

and allow myself to dream,

of surrender.

Your hands, steel encased in velvet, touch me gently, guiding me in a world I dont fully understand. The same hands that can inflict pain or pleasure.

I lay here, drowning in feelings to intense to name, yet part of me hides. Denying everything I feel.

I long to surrender, to hand over control, if only for a moment. To stop thinking and just feel, but I cant.

I offer my body to you, but I cannot give you my mind, cannot allow myself the ultimate release I crave.

Falling

I fall into your voice,

allow myself to feel,

just for a moment,

wishing it were real.

I step from safety,

and begin to fall,

tumbling head over heels.

Look for you in the darkness,

scared of what I feel.

Not real, to fast, not there,

wont last.

Questions stop time,

yet my fall goes on.

Confused,

wanting to run,

yet turning to stay.

Wondering if you will

catch me if I fall

all the way.

Do you ever wish to completly

hand over control

Once again the Ladi of the castle stands at the edge of a cliff, with a choice to make...behind her lays safety and a world she understands, in front, a chance to be happy but a risk of being hurt at the same time. As I have said before, destiny is not a matter of chance but a matter of choice. I decide to brave the risk and take my chance, and willingly allow myself to fall.

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